Vanessa Experiences Tortuga
by Kimberley Francisca
Summary: May be more than a oneshot if enough people like it. Vanessa, a girl who is NOT a fan of Pirates of the Caribbean, finds herself in a sticky situation.. PLEASE REVIEW!


Vanessa lay down in her bed, still giggling about the joke her best friend Lauren had made and the fact that her other best friend Kim had fallen off her chair because she was laughing so hard.

She closed her eyes, hoping to dream of crazy and hilarious situations that involved the three of them, that she could tell them tomorrow in a dramatic over-the-top fashion, just to laugh at their reaction...

… And woke up in a place she didn't know. What alarmed her first was the fact that her bed was rocking slightly and the most forbidding creaks came from the walls. Well, you couldn't really call them walls. They were, in fact, the side of a ship, although Vanessa had yet to notice that, because something else had grabbed her attention.

'Oh my GOD, what is that SMELL? Oh- God-'

She covered her nose with the palm of her hand and tried breathing through her mouth. It didn't work, though, for the stench of 50 or so men of the sea that had not washed properly for a couple of month was… well let's just say it wasn't a smell the poor girl was going to forget anytime soon.

'C'mon, you lot! To land! I want to see you as happy as Larry when you board this ship again - or ye won't board! Step to!' Someone was shouting as they ran down the stairs. Suddenly Vanessa was being shunned up the stairs, out into the open air where she managed take a much need gasp before avoiding getting trampled on by running down the plank and onto land. Suddenly, she was in the middle of the streets of Tortuga… In her PJs.

If she had known the significance of where she was and the…. effect… of what she was wearing on the locals, she probably would have RAN back to the ship as fast as her boxer short clad legs would carry her. Thus, her ignorance carried her forward, to ask the nearest person the directions to her street so she could get back in her own bed.

Unfortunately, the first - two - people she saw were making out heavily against a tree and didn't look like they want to be disturbed. Making a face, Vanessa steered herself clear of them, not looking where she was going and almost tripped over a man laying in the middle of the road - why the hell was he in the middle of the road? - and was startled when he spoke. 'Ye lost, sweetheart? I could take you to the tavern, if ye'd like… Keep ye safe, eh?' the man gave her a grin that sent shivers down her spine. Giving the man a disgusted look, she didn't bother to answer as she walked away quietly. She could smell the drink on the man's breath and she wondered how he could still be conscious.

The tavern wasn't that hard to find - although all the buildings looked so old fashioned that it was hard to tell which was which. Where the hell was she? She didn't think to replace the "where" with a "when".

The tavern was chaos. The tavern was maddness. The tavern was every-crazy-word-you-can-think-of-mashed-together. It was just THAT bad. It smelt worse than before mixed with the lingering scent of alcohol. And…. was that PIGS? and MUD… INSIDE? What the hell!

Vanessa had to shield her eyes more than a couple of times as she moved through the tavern. Some things were just NOT meant to be seen, but the girl lifting up her skirt didn't seem to know that. Just before she reached the bartender, she was stopped by a wall of muscle. Well, more of fat. And hair, lots and LOTS of hair.

She looked up to see a squinty eyed man looking right back down at her. Well…. not in her eyes… Vanessa gasped as she realized what EXACTLY he was staring at and attempted to hold close the gap between her tee shirt and her skin with her hands.

'Aw, darlin'! Don't be shy! Tell ye what, i'll give ye five shillings if you take it off,' He gave the same dirty smile as the man on the road. 'And ten if ye lay with me.' He winked. Oh…. GROSS! 'No deal, dude. No fucking way.' She attempted to push past him but he grabbed her arm with a grubby hand and swung her back around to face him. 'Listen, creep, get your paws off me or I am going to kick you where it hurts…' She attempted to rip her arm from his grip but he was too strong. 'I said, i'll pay.' Squinty-Eyes said in a much more serious tone. He was angry, that much was obvious. What else was obvious was Vanessa needed to make a quick getaway. 'I said, get your hands off of me. I am NOT a whore!'

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the other side of the tavern. Some guy had randomly pushed over a table and drew his sword. [i]WOW… Anger issues much? Hey, that guy looks familiar…. OMG this is gonna bug me for ages now… dammit![/i]

The creepy guy was still clutching her arm in a bruising grip but he was distracted too by the guy-with-issues, so Vanessa used the only thing she had left: her voice.

'RAPE!' She screamed. !' Nobody seemed to hear her, either that or they were too drunk to care. Nobody, but the major-issues-guy. Oh GOD, this was just getting worse and bloody worse, wasn't it? He came over quickly behind the man, grabbing a half full bottle of drink on the way. Vanessa thought it was to drink but apparently its intended use was to smash over Squinty-Eyes' head. He went down like a sack of stones, death grip easily relinquished. Vanessa was tempted to give her savior a hug, but settled for a 'thanks' instead. She saw when she looked into his eyes that he was not crazy or insane, he just hated this place as much as she did. Probably more.

He stuck his hand out to shake and Vanessa gladly took it. 'Will Turner.' The man introduced himself. 'Vaness-WOAH WAIT did you just say Will Turner? As in William Turner?'

Will looked confused. 'Yes… Why?'

'I can't believe i'm asking this… But do you know a man named Jack?'

'Jack Sparrow?' Will looked slightly down - maybe it's because he knew she wasn't going to stay and chat. Keep him company in this hell hole.

'CAPTAIN!'

**A/N: Do you want me to continue?**


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